An Open Letter

I think I need to have some self-respect. It's insane that I'm losing sleep over this, it's and now I just keep thinking about all of the instances of her just blatantly disrespecting me. I think I was an incredibly great partner, and even afterwards I've been exceptionally good to her. If she wants to take that for granted that's on me continuing to be good to her. Have a fucking backbone. In no way shape or form do I need her, but I am hoping that the uncertainty I have in her is optimistic. At the same time I need to remind myself even though it kind of sucks, if she doesn't treat me similarly, there's no reason for me to do it to her. And then if I don't want to stoop to that, then I can just call it off whenever I want. I think about how M I was giving his toxic masculine perspective, and I kind of understand why people like him say not to trust people. I don't agree with it, but I think it comes from a place of being hurt or lied to and falling for it, and then deciding to keep walls up to prevent that pain of trust again. I do think that it's a necessary risk however, and it's worth it to trust and be hurt, and trust again.