Today E really fucking got me. I told her that I have been feeling neglected by her as of recent, and neglected. This week moving and working from home has been very isolating, and it even got so bad that a few days ago I broke down crying. She didn’t follow up and ask me how I was feeling, and also was very distant because she was focused on her school. I made several bids for connection and she rejected them, and when I brought them up today I told her that I needed some space because I was frustrated/hurt by the above. She asked me to talk about it, and then when I did she stopped responding and gave “I’m sorry” as a response to several texts. When I brought it up after a few hours that I felt shitty because it felt like she asked me to explain how I was feeling, and then when I did she just shut down the conversation. I really hoped that she would come out the conversation with a sense of curiosity trying to understand what hurt me, but instead it felt like she just shut down. She then left me on read for over an hour after that. To me I think about flipping the roles and how people would freak out on social media, and say what a shitty boyfriend.
So this is gonna be a little bit of a different kind of post I guess, I’m right now driving to get some food and I’m just using voice to text to dictate this out. I guess I kind of wanted to somewhat document how buying a house has been, and I guess just in line with everything else that I do here just venting a little bit to put down my thoughts somewhere else. Buying a house has been pretty stressful, but right now the stress that I’m dealing with is actually moving in. There’s a lot of different things that I’ve had to kind of do that are coming off guard, like right now the big problem is the water heater is just not working consistently, I have to sometimes get it working by running a diagnostic code and then turning on the sink and kitchen faucets on hot at the same time for a little bit and then the hot water heater kicks in. I think this is something that can get fixed by talking with like some plumber or something like that and I think that the one you’re home insurance that comes with buying the house should cover pork I think so it shouldn’t be like a horrible co-pay but it still is like $100 probably. It’s also weird because I have to figure out all the existing things that they have such as fuel electrical work for all of the Internet of things stuff. On top of it there are some issues with the Wi-Fi because I don’t actually know where the fiber box is, but they have like a networking closet and so I was able to figure out which wire it was for that with my dad‘s help and then get my Internet working. I also haven’t unpacked anything really yet other than just a bare bear essentials like bathroom stuff to brush and my bed. I don’t even have my computer set up yet. It’s pretty lonely also in the house once E left. I’m also stressed because I’m right now leaving Hash alone for the first time in the new place and I really hope that he’s OK, because I really need him to be able to feel comfortable enough being home alone so that I can do stuff like go to work. I’m pretty stressed I don’t know if I’ve mentioned that before ha ha. There’s also other stuff like random existing electronics that I need to somehow put into my name like the blink camera on the front door doesn’t seem to let me connect to it pretty easily which is gonna be an interesting thing to deal with, and then what’s it called there’s also trouble with the carpet. While moving in a bit of the carpet ripped which really fucking sucks, and then on top of it Hash threw up three different times on the carpet and so there’s a little bit of a stain in one of the spots now. That makes me consider changing to a different kind of floor, but it’s a whole other hassle there.
There are so many different things I need to do for this house and I’m honestly so overwhelmed with it. I haven’t been keeping to my habits either like reading which I want to fix.
I went over a game with E, and it was a perfect game to review. We quickly went over it, and she was tilted but receptive. We then queued up another game, and the average was plat 4 and she got MVP and carried our team! I was so fucking proud.
I’m a bit worried about living alone in that big house by myself for a while. It’s not different than right now, but the fact that it’s just so big and empty is a bit lonely. It’s such a huge priviledge but I’m also a little bit scared if I’m being honest.