An Open Letter

E helped me move a ton more stuff and I’m stressed but things are slowly settling down.

I’m packing up and it’s rough, but I’m so excited. I just want E to move in with me already.

I went over a game with E, and it was a perfect game to review. We quickly went over it, and she was tilted but receptive. We then queued up another game, and the average was plat 4 and she got MVP and carried our team! I was so fucking proud.

I’m a bit worried about living alone in that big house by myself for a while. It’s not different than right now, but the fact that it’s just so big and empty is a bit lonely. It’s such a huge priviledge but I’m also a little bit scared if I’m being honest.

We got the keys to the house, and it’s both amazing but also super overwhelming. There’s so much shit to be done, but I’m happy.

I think E has an incredible mother. It’s something bittersweet for her to be so good that it hurts me by comparison. But at the same time I still have E and I even have her mother in a way, and I’m so grateful for that. We agreed to play until we won one, and it’s not 3:20 AM and we hugged eachother when we finally won.

I present tomorrow for the first time at my job, and its to two directors, and three managers. I just realized while writing this that my dad is a senior director. I’m like terrified to speak infront of a director, and I text my dad all the time. What the fuck.

She got me a framed photo of us after one of our early surprise dates. I’m so happy.

It’s such a weird thing to feel this want to have more, even though there’s no real reason. I guess I wanna do what my dad did.

I fucked up and fumbled at an informal presentation and the shame consumes me. I just wanna forget about is as hard as I can to be honest.