An Open Letter

I have 66 days left until the 1-year mark of starting working out, and my goal is to join the 1k club before then. I’m a bit nervous, but also optimistic.

Earlier, E had asked the professor if they could stop being partners without asking me, and since it is a difficult process it is now a huge headache. It stresses me out a lot because I’m incredibly busy already this quarter, and I don’t know if I can handle this workload. And now I might have to do 2x the work for a class which is an incredible amount of work regardless. The class is so much work the professor almost mandates lab partners, and I am taking almost double the courseload of a regular undergrad student already. But I also remind myself that I anyway would have been doing all of the work, and so there’s not much of a difference there. But at least now I don’t have to worry about dealing with a volatile person’s behaviors at the same time while juggling their stress unduly.

I do feel kinda bad though because I am realizing that if I behave within what is fully my right to do, which is also not putting in effort for someone else’s gain – I think E would be in hell for a very long time. And I don’t just mean academically, I think this would probably lead to a bad trajectory for their life overall. I also additionally unfortunately have recently acquired what is the equivalent of a nuclear bomb over them – I did nothing wrong, but I know mentioning something I did would absolutely DESTROY them. But with these options out of the way, the thing I think I’m doing which I’m not too sure of is putting in effort of my own, and sacrificing some to make the landing easier for them. I don’t really think that they’re someone I want to invest time or effort into anymore as a friend or person, but at the same time, I don’t think I could sit here and bear witness to someone spiraling down knowing that I could have prevented it. I think I’d rather take on the burden without them knowing rather than them suffer in a way I could have prevented.

I don’t know if this is good.