A bad path
I’m a little bit sad that I even Got to this point at all. I found myself searching up what makes someone a high value man, and everything that came up was something about red pill ideology. I honestly don’t really know too much about red pill or any of the pill stuff, but I know that it’s one of those like Andrew Tate or incel adjacent schools of thought. I thought about how at the gym I see all of these people around me and I feel like all of these really beautiful women wouldn’t be interested in getting to know me or even getting my foot in the door because I do not look like someone who is on steroids. I also do not outwardly have flashy things that show wealth. And I guess this thought has started to slowly whittle at me. I kind of felt like I need to do something else to change that, like spend more money in stupid status symbols. I even watched a video today that was recommended to me about different signifiers of status, and I think the fact that that was even recommended to me even though it was a satire channel that I like to watch feels a bit worrying. I also felt like maybe I need to update my wardrobe more, or maybe I need to worry about my appearance more and start to die diet or lose weight even though I am already at a pretty low body fat percentage for the norm. I feel like this is just a step towards dysmorphia again, and I don’t even know if this changes anything. I guess I just feel really frustrated because I have an incredibly good job, I own a house, I drive a nice car, I am attractive, I am physically very fit, I am emotionally mature, I am kind, I am popular, I am well liked, and outgoing, I feel like I am all of these wonderful things that I have strive to be, and it isn’t really working. It feels really frustrating to see random science or people talking about how what really matters to them is a man that is kind and funny and even having women that thirst over me when I don’t try to. But I haven’t really been able to find a relationship with someone that I feel matches me and is a good fit. And I know that I have been rejecting a lot of different people on dates and I’ve had to warn the person that I’m currently friends with benefits With to not catch feelings for me or let me know if they do so that we can address that, because I am not interested in dating them. And I guess that is success, but I wish that instead I was finding a really nice partner. And the more I think about it the more I feel like I have explored a lot of these paths and really the most important thing I can do is put myself in situations where I am exposed to more people. And pass this I really should stop trying to optimize our focus towards this because it is such a sparse goal that there really isn’t much I can hope for.