An Open Letter

I asked K on a date! In five days from now we are going on our first date. When I sent the text asking her, I was pacing around my house and I was bursting with energy. When I saw that she liked the message from the notification, I screamed even though there’s food in my mouth, and I jumped almost a foot in the air involuntarily. I haven’t felt this anxiety in a good way in a long time. And I’m kind of scared if I’m being honest. I talked with my therapist today about how I don’t feel the super intense spark that comes from super accelerated intimacy, and I know that that’s a good thing and that’s healthy, but it’s kind of scary because this is unknown in a way. It feels like I have been drinking energy drinks my entire life, and this is the first time I’m trying a normal drink. Nothing is wrong with it at all, and the energy drinks constantly are not healthy or good for me, but I don’t feel the same rush. And I guess it’s just kind of scary because I almost don’t know what to look for if that makes sense. She has hit basically all of the realistic criteria I could hope for in a partner, and of course I am planning on going on dates and getting to know her better to be able to more accurately judge that, but I guess it’s scary because it’s unknown in this sense. There’s ambiguity and the brain doesn’t like that. But I do find myself falling more and more for her.