A nice change
Every passing day gets easier, as I recognize more and more that I had a lot of good memories with her, but at the same time she is not the person that I would want to spend my life with. I think I have both learned that I need to be a lot more picky in love, and also how if I am not happy being a single or happy with my life, I’m so much more susceptible to a bad relationship. To be completely honest, this last relationship happened a big part because I had just moved and I was struggling to make friends and I was struggling with that loneliness. But I absolutely have that dog in me. I can make friends, I can be an extrovert at Will, I can organize events, I can garner people around me to do things, because I’ve put in that effort before and I get to reap the rewards from that. Keep in mind that things are not difficult, they are just unfamiliar.
It’s weird, it’s been 10 days since we’ve broken up but I feel a sense of peace. I don’t hate her at all, and there’s still of course a couple of things that still hurt that I need to just get exposed to, and also to wait for time. Something I’ve had to be conscious enough is not attributing certain attributes about her as bad things, like for example the fact that she played Valorant or would do certain things at the gym, I noticed that sometimes I get the urge to pull away from it, and I tell myself that “Oh in the future I wouldn’t want a partner like that”. But those things aren’t the issue, it’s more things like the lack of accountability, or the feeling of having to drag someone into adulthood. Those are valid things, but the rest aren’t that deep. Either way I’m very excited because tomorrow I’m going to make a complete song with S, and I’m excited to just spend time with him and make something stupid.