An Open Letter

“The longer you struggle with a problem, the less likely you are to understand the problem”

It feels counterintuitive to me at least, but it’s incredibly rational – if you understand a problem the more likely you are to have moved past it. This kinda opened my eyes to a lot of things, especially the core problems I’ve struggled with for long periods of my life. The big thing that comes to mind immediately is the struggle to accept the fact I may be loved. I know that this is an incredibly sensitive topic that’s plagued me since childhood, but maybe I can consider the fact that I am understanding or viewing it fundamentally wrong.

I had a nice date(?) with K, we went exploring places and had a great conversation for two hours. I also think that was incredibly valuable as I got a bit more experience, even if we aren’t looking for a relationship. I am able to understand that things aren’t as hard as my mind tries to trick me into.

I’m also talking to someone who feels like me. I know that I was somewhat upset in the past when I originally met S because it felt like they were someone who was very similar to me, but they were taken, and it worked perfectly as ammunition for my own insecurities and fears to try to convince me that anyone I’d feel compatible with is taken, but I like to think about it more like “hey, here’s someone I get along with incredibly well. That means there are more people like that out there!” (Also just for my own piece of mind, I need to reinforce the fact that I am fully PLATONIC with S, since I found out they were in a relationship). With this new person, we have a lot of coincidences, even having the same diagnosis (allegedly). We also share an incredible amount of similarities, almost to the point where I’m skeptical. But nothing ventured nothing gained!

R – 3 breaths

E – I am a bit worried that this is too good to be true, with the similarities mentioned and other compatibility things. I guess I am seeing remnants of T, especially with the focus on privacy at least before the first date.

S – Just be aware of it, but also don’t be overly cautious to the point of creating a self-fulfilling prophecy.

T – Enjoy the date!