An Open Letter

Shame this one is rushed, it’s freezing, and I wanna go to bed super badly. I’ll reflect on today later, but today was a lot better than I thought.

I didn’t get any presents, but I was still happy. A friend invited me over and we drank and had a great time watching movies and messing around. They ordered dominos, and wouldn’t let me pay them back. I’m going to take that as my present. I’m so glad I met them.

I feel like I’ve gotten a lot more distant with my friend who’s doing study abroad, but I also don’t think that’s something that’s realistically in my control. I think they have to figure out what they want because right now is what they want, but I think they don’t like it.

I’m in a position where I don’t rely on anyone, and it frees me a lot. I’m super grateful for my online friends, they’ve been with me through everything. I’m also glad my birthday/thanksgiving is over. Hopefully, Christmas isn’t too rough this year.

Situation: Birthday wasn’t fully alone

Thoughts: I can find things to make me upset, and reinforce the idea that I am alone.

Feelings: I feel sad, alone, and depressed.

Behavior: I am miserable for no reason

Thoughts: I had a good night. People care about me, and someone cares enough to make sure I wasn’t alone on my birthday. This is what I wished for.

Feeling: I feel like happy crying, and I feel loved.

Behavior: I feel good, and I have more hope for the future.

Love you. Hope 22 treats you well. Goodnight big ♥