Birthday eve
I’m using voice to text for this because I’m doing this while I’m getting ready for bed, but I’m hoping that I can kind of give something of substance tonight. I haven’t really been writing much because I’ve noticed that ever since having my girlfriend E, I’ve felt like I’ve always had access to someone where I can talk to or discuss things with and I’m kind of realized that this blog has kind of been a surrogate for that for a long time. I’m not saying that I want to stop this habit of journaling, but I think I’ve definitely realize this is one of those things that gives me a sense of independence because I’m able to talk about whatever I want without feeling like I’m a burden to my friends. But I guess with that out of the way, tomorrow I’m turning 24! It’s a little bit weird because this is the first time in a long time where I’ve actually felt excited for my birthday, or I guess a better term would just be not afraid. This is also my first year not in school and kind of in the real adult world for the first time in my eyes, and honestly it’s a bit weird. I feel like this is the part of my life where I really get free freedom and I get to choose what I want to do for these holidays for example, because I have the independence and I have money and I have the flexibility and I think also big part is that my friends are not all just leaving to their families for the break. Well I guess that’s still kind of happens because a lot of coworkers are leaving but a lot of them are not. One thing I’ve been grateful for is the lack of safety wheels. A lot for a couple different reasons, but I’m really grateful that I’ve never really relied on family a huge amount. I’ve always thought that some people going to college end up for the first times without their family and it feels like their legs have been swept out from underneath them, and that must be a horrible feeling. I’m pretty grateful that I don’t have to deal with that problem for better if for worse, because I’ve never really had that to rely on in the first place so it makes transitioning pretty easy. But I digress.
I’m trying to go to bed early tonight so that tomorrow I can wake up an early to go skydiving, which is something on my bucket list for the longest time. Originally it was meant as a suicide-lite™ where I could jump off of a very high building and hopefully feel that view from halfway down, and I think it’s kind of just turned into something that I’m excited to experience. It was a little bit of a last-minute thing but I realize that this was as good as chance as ever and why wait and so here I am. I’m kind of not sure if I want to keep with this tradition of journaling in a meaningful way every single day, partially because I feel like it’s gone to the point where it gives me a sense of pressure and I feel like that is not necessarily productive for what I want but at the same time I do recognize how incredibly valuable journaling is and also having it as a habit. So here we are. Maybe I just journal in this kind of half assed way that I have been, but at least it’s something consistent and then the days where I feel like I do need it or I do have something to talk about I can always take that chance. Oh well, here’s to waking up 24! Good night