Complications
I talked with my therapist more today about handling different people’s interpersonal issues. I think it’s fairly natural for everyone to have their quirks and difficulties – but it doesn’t make it any easier. I’ve thought about these sorts of things a lot, and I think universal communication is the only way to bridge these gaps. I also think that this needs to be proper communication – which is an unnatural thing I think in the first place. It’s pretty hard to put aside your predispositions to try to accommodate someone else’s viewpoint, and I’m still trying to figure out when/if it’s ever appropriate to be natural with communication.
I struggle with emotions when I’m frustrated or sad, as I tend to dilute them to make them more palatable. I pretty easily concede speaking about me being upset or hurt when faced with any opposition – which is an unhealthy thing that I’m aware of. I guess the inner child in me constantly sees the situations where I’ve had to bottle up emotions to appease a parent. I’m fairly tired, and relatively lucid due to my medication, and I feel that fear of consequences slipping away. I don’t feel as afraid to say things that are abrasive or damaging.
I’m a bit worried, the things I want to say right now are things that would set off some bad things.
AAAAND I’ve just hit them with the “Your turn” after being interrupted. I’m pretty tired of this, and I don’t really think I’ll get a chance to speak or have any meaningful thoughts or feelings acknowledged let alone addressed. I feel pretty fuckin hurt. I remember why I don’t bring up things anymore, it’s almost a curse how Adderall lowers my activation energy to tasks. The very thing I’m prescribed it for ends up biting me back for it. Oh well. Maybe they’re all right.