CTFs are fun
I finally got off the waitlist for both classes, so my life became much easier. I’ve been recently getting the feeling that life wasn’t meant to be a punishment.
One thing that really struck me was how I was talking about how I’ve been getting car tiktoks recently, and L said “Why don’t you send me them!”. I mentioned it was because I felt bad about sending her so many already, and she said she didn’t care but still wanted to see them. I said it would be too much and so I refused to, as I feel bad. She then said, “my words don’t matter I guess”.
That weirdly struck me very deep, as I had a moment of realization thinking about it. I was so convinced that I would be too much and so I forcibly have to regulate myself away, and I was so convinced of this thought that even though they are mentioning it explicitly I disregarded it. While I do think that they probably don’t want me to send them 50 tiktoks a day like I do with S and L, I realized how they can say some things and I may just automatically discard it from prior fears. I think that’s something I should be very aware of, as that feels like an incredibly dangerous thing to be used to. I’ve been praying my brain’s wrong about a lot of things, and maybe it is.
Once you walk through a door you never really take a moment to think about how hard you prayed for it to open.