An Open Letter

I’ve been here since like 1 AM on a video call with E on Discord, while she’s hanging out with another friend. It’s a bit weird because I’m sometimes just sitting here while they have a separate conversation I’m not involved in. It’s a bit weird because I feel a bit awkward being here while not being directly part of the conversation. I’m tired, but I think I’m happy. I don’t know, I keep seeing things, and I wait for the hammer to drop, but I don’t think it does. I wonder if I am a jealous person. I don’t know how much is intentional or how much is natural. Is it normal for someone not to be jealous at all? I find that I have these little pulls in my chest when she mentions something about someone else, and even though I trust her and feel confident that nothing bad is happening, I get possessive almost. In a soft way, but it’s there. It’s such a weird thing to be in love.