Eight
I think once I was able to release all the tension in my mind about the problems we were having, I have the room to see things from her perspective a bit more. In the moment for me, it's hard for me to focus on things in her life when I'm thinking about how I don't feel comfortable talking to her about my feelings. But at the same time from her POV I would feel pretty fucking sad if I couldn't share parts of my day or life. Like she won the study abroad photography competition!!! How sick is that!! I don't even know which photo of hers won. In a vacuum that would make me pretty sad if I was her. I'm not saying this to put blame on me, or to feel guilty, but rather as just more information on how bottling things up hurt both of us. I also think of course that there were things that she did too that made it harder for me to not bottle up, but again that's not meant to be blame or guilt provoking. More just an understanding of how we have room to grow as people.
WARNING: BRAIN ROT ANALOGY
This is almost like playing kassadin and constantly fighting, roaming, and never catching waves. 30 minutes in and you're level 14 and you're losing. Next game you understand that resources are incredibly important for you, and you can prioritize that. Or a nasus with stacks, same shit different toilet.
Communication and this comfort is a two way street, and also something that is necessary over everything else – since without this you're just banking on the fact you two are perfectly compatible naturally. Like a learning rate of 1e-6 with a good start has no room for growth while a worse one with 1e-4 can.
What a weird fucking insight into my brain and the experiences I've had. If I want to have a unique experience, I think this life's been pretty damn up there lol.