Today was a horribly draining day. I was just dead at work, and I finally bit the bullet and spent $450 on the MSF safety course. When finally going to get gear, it all kinda hit me. I feel ashamed to have changed my mind so fast, but talking with my dad and realizing how I would have to compromise on safety gear + the fact that even if I do everything perfectly I could have everything I care about stripped from my life was enough to make me reconsider. I decided to bite the bullet and just pay the $50 fee and refund the course. As free as the thought of riding on a sunny day is, the thought of having my hands or legs taken from me in some way is too much of a cost.

Also I realized I’m not in love, or close to it. I think I need to let her down softly somehow. I don’t know how to. It also doesn’t help I left for 30 minutes and Hash pooped and peed on the floor and carpet. I’m tired.