Five
From the weirdest place I got some incredible support and advice. The professor for the class I TA texted me to check up on me, and then insisted on coming to pick me up to go get ice cream and talk/cry. While I was trying to figure out how to say no to her text, she called and we ended up talking for like 40 minutes. She surprised me with how much she knew about communication and relationships, and how she had also been broken up with from a 6-year relationship. She told me a lot of good things, but I think a really big takeaway for me is at the end of the day we will not have compatible communication to the point where we can effectively resolve big problems. And because of that there is a limit to what is healthy and sustainable for us right now, and that isn't at a relationship. I know that being alone is terrifying, especially when you're hurting so much. But at the same time it will destroy you to constantly keep things inside due to the communication barrier. That will do more harm than good. It may be rough, but it is important to make connections rather than numb the problem of loneliness with a relationship that isn't meant to be. Yes this is absolutely fucking horrifying, but necessary.
A shift is safe in its harbor, but that denies it its purpose.