Freedom
I stopped trying to initiate things so much in the friendships and ever since then, I’ve felt like a weight has been picked off me. I started intentionally energy-matching S, and L doesn’t really text anyway so it’s normal there. I haven’t asked them to work out this week and so they haven’t asked me and I’m suddenly no longer affected by that, I think I’ve mourned a decent amount already so I’m content since I have other friends that I’m going to put more effort into. Today me and L went to the library and were trying to build a taser without the library staff noticing, and at one point one came over and said “hey I just wanted to ask what you guys are making since I heard a loud crack” and we rehearsed saying that it was an example of conservation of energy and a cool demonstration for middle schoolers. In reality, I bought a cheap transformer (5V->1,000,000V) and we were using a double A battery, some nails, and a bottle to build a taser that was shooting arcs. The guy bought it, and we kept going and made good progress. Also turns out S was just busy with his finals and those ended and so he’s back and I’m happy because I love that man so much. I also found someone on Instagram that by coincidence is also going to the cleopatrick concert and they put me onto some SICK music that I’ve been blasting on repeat recently. Ever since realigning the friendship with S and L, I stopped getting that friction burn from that rope slipping out of my hands. It’s a bit of a shame that they weren’t the friends to put in the effort to maintain it, but I’m happy that I am in a spot now where I can recognize that without it hurting me.