An Open Letter

Hoo boy, something’s testing me today. During tennis, I was feeding for some games, and my feeds weren’t doing too hot. They weren’t horrible, but they weren’t great either. But there was this one guy, who I’m friends with, but sweet lord he is annoying as fuck sometimes. He has someone make a joke that’s funny, and then he proceeds to repeat the joke every single day for the next few months. Today he was exceptionally tone-deaf, he kept loudly complaining about how bad the feeds were, and like – what do you want me to do? I haven’t played in a week, I’m feeding so everyone else can play the game, am I supposed to stop the game get on my knees, and beg for forgiveness? Holy shit.

I went home afterward and was playing Overwatch with two friends, and one was pretty drunk. He also wasn’t doing too hot in the games, to the point where nearly every game random people would comment on his performance. The other friend and I did not care if he did good or not, especially since he was the lowest rank out of us, so we didn’t care too much. But while drunk, he kept yelling about how it was everyone else’s fault. That’s whatever, but he kept just saying things that were blatantly wrong. For context, he was playing tank – the role I’m a fairly high rank in the game at, and which I’ve been coached several times before. He was complaining about how there was nothing he could do, and I suggested swapping to a specific kind of character that would fit the game best, and that set him off. He then proceeded to go on a soliloquy of how that’s not his job, and how it’s our fault instead. It was pretty frustrating, because he can be incredibly stubborn, and also was pretty drastically wrong about the situation, but he was confidently saying things. It’s annoying because I can be right, but it doesn’t matter because he will just disagree and argue that he’s right. It doesn’t matter if he’s the lowest rank in the game, and I’m a high rank, or if this is the perspective and opinion of pro players, suddenly I become a horrible person for disagreeing with him.

He left the voice call and then proceeded to start spam-messaging me about how I needed to apologize, and he kept repeating his (wrong) reasoning. I ended up just apologizing because it’s just words and I don’t have to really mean it. I know a lot of people who play with him mention how they cannot have conversations about game stuff with him, and how they end up just treating him like an idiot and going “mhm! yup! you’re right!”. But he’s a good friend, and I always want to give him the respect of explaining things when I think he’s wrong, and I’m confident I’m right. I wonder why I can’t just let him be wrong.

Situation: A good friend is struggling in our games, and doesn’t think he is doing anything wrong, and blaming us instead.

Thoughts: If I was in his situation, I would love it if someone who knows the game better would help me out by telling me what to do when I’m lost like that. Therefore I should do the same, and give him some ideas that would make him feel less helpless.

Feelings: I don’t really feel anything, but I probably end up feeling frustrated as he doesn’t take any sort of advice well and is incredibly stubborn and argumentative.

Behavior: Inevitably he explodes, and I have to put in the effort to just suck it up and deal with him making out-of-pocket comments at me, and soothe him. He doesn’t even get any better at the game so there’s no benefit.

Thoughts: I can just nod and smile, and save myself the headache

Feelings: I don’t like the idea of seeing someone struggle unnecessarily, but also unless he explicitly asks me for help I’ll just let him struggle.

Behavior: I get more practice in letting people make mistakes and do bad things in their lives without me trying to help them.

Man, this shit is annoying. I guess I really just gotta stop trying to help people that don’t REALLY ask for help. Even if he says “What do you think I can do” that’s just a trap, just let it slide. It causes so much unnecessary friction when I’m good at a game, and my friends aren’t. It’s almost like an information hazard, for the games I’m ass at I don’t have any issues with it because when they are frustrated they aren’t good, I can’t help them so I don’t even have the choice to give them that help. God, I hate having to let people struggle unnecessarily. Oh well, love you anyways, and always Ithaka ♥.