An Open Letter

While I was growing up I would tell myself not to kill myself because I was like Kassadin. I told myself that even though I wanna kill myself and my life is miserable, I am skiing for a late game. Once I get to college or once I get older my life will be so worth it compared to the people that I envied so much. And at the risk of sounding arrogant, I don’t need to hit 16 to take things into my own hands. I got several kills and a lead, several as solo kills, and several due to help. I’m so incredibly proud of myself for teaching myself to be empathetic, how to be social, charisma, etc. I used to wish that I could be one of those people that gets adopted by someone else socially, and I would mourn the fact that instead I’ve had to learn how to handle it myself and the beautiful thing is now I can handle it. I’m a secure and strong enough person to be authentic in social situations, and that combined with the person that I am authentically, becomes something magnetic towards others. I consistently get thrown into brand new rooms, and I come out surrounded by people that want to interact with me. I’ve gone from being the hopeless person seeking for salvation, to being the person who is so abundantly filled with it, that they’re willing to reach out to people struggling to help them. And thinking about it now, I’ve gone out of my way to involve people or to gently parent people that are abrasive or struggling socially, and even though this is something that I wish I could have growing up I’m completely happy to give it to people that are arguably less deserving. And that never crosses my mind, like it’s not that I think that someone should have helped me socially develop growing up more than these other people, because I was not rude or insulting. And I feel like this post is for misinterpretation, partially because I think I didn’t really capture my thoughts the way that I would hope, but essentially I want to give myself some credit for all of the effort that went to deliberately learning how to be social, and recognizing how that’s paid off.