An Open Letter

In less than a week I’m going to be in San Diego in my new apartment, where I don’t know anyone (other than M). I’m even more scared because work isn’t going to start for two weeks, and so I’m going to just be existing I guess. I hope I don’t get super depressed, I know that moving and change like that has been historically a big nightmare for me, but I’m hoping things are ok.

I talked with A, so kinda funny that the whole NC lasted for less than 24 hours. I thought about it a pretty solid amount, and decided that I would like to be friendly with her and stay in touch. Since we aren’t able to have any more relationships due to distance + me emotionally understanding that we aren’t compatible makes me feel like the risk of becoming attached like that is minimal. I felt like I already know that I’m going through a huge life change, it would be a bit easier if instead of having to abruptly stop interacting with A, I can still have that sense of familiarity in some sense.

These last few days have almost felt emotionally numb in a sense. I feel like I’m really hitting that limit of how much someone can cry and feel miserable, and now it’s like trying to squeeze a mostly dry sponge that’s not refilling fast enough with the sadness chemicals. I’m kinda happy with that, I guess, since it’s less miserable for the time being. I should probably go to bed. Goodnight me!