An Open Letter

Today I went to pilates for the first time with D and K, and afterwards we ended up just talking for a long time. I ended up getting to know K a lot better, and she seems like she could be a good friend. I did notice, however, that especially with N, M, and K, they are absolute bombshells, and the kind of people that get put on pedestals as some sort of prize. But both getting to know them as people, and also learning about their flaws and shortcomings, I weirdly feel like it’s such a weird perspective shift. I think M is a great example, she has a few thousand people on her stories thirsting over her, and is conventionally very attractive and fetishized. But to me she’s a fucking dumbass that’s stubborn, a bit reckless, but well intentioned. When I think of her I don’t see an image of her body or anything like that, but I rather see her aruging with me about how alcohol is not a diuretic like I’d imagine a little sister would. Same with K, we talked a lot about socializing and the struggles of connecting to people, and how we both struggle with anxiety. And then I go home and look at her instagram after exchanging it and she looks like one of those ABG models. It’s so funny that these profiles you see online are slightly awkward goofy people in real life, that you have so much more in common than you’d think. I was crushing HARD on N today, and I think that’s kinda mellowed out after D brought me a bit back down to earth saying she doesn’t think N has a crush on me. I think it’s funny how someone may see N at a party or like that and think she’s an insane baddie (which she is), and they don’t know how she gets pissed when doing ass at the light-up square arcade game I dragged them to. Or how she is slightly awkward and does this high voice mocking thing. Or how she is subtly prideful about different things about her, and how she gently looks for that validation.

I think it’s a weird thing when people are so beautiful, I think similar to when someone is very unattractive it’s hard for people to get to know them. I think on both ends people don’t get to see who they are because of how they look. What a weird horseshoe spectrum.