An Open Letter

It’s something I don’t want to do as much, but for now I still do. For some reason I thought back to when the guy E emotionally somewhat crossed lines with early into the relationship made fun of my cries for help to her. I do know that it was cringy, but at the same time I realized E didn’t try to check in on me or anything like that when she was made aware of that. And I think regardless of if it’s normal or common, I think I really would benefit from a partner that could push to reassure me that they want to listen and give me that space, not one where I have to plead and consistently coach them into giving me space. I think I do value that enough to need it, regardless of if I think I “deserve” it. And after all I do think that the childhood and experiences that have shaped me into the person I am contribute a lot of positives, and so it’s not fair for me to accept those things but disregard all of the negatives and make those my burden alone to carry. I am not alone, and my partner or friends are never responsible for me, but they are able to support me. I think it will be a really beautiful moment when I feel seen and safe with someone truly, and it’s worth holding on for. I want that experience.