An Open Letter

I’ve been kinda warding off depression as well as I can recently, and getting injured was a huge problem for that. A lot of my stability and happiness come from the gym/exercise, and so when I have to rest and recover, it’s a huge struggle. Today I was taking it pretty easy, I did just a few deadlifts relatively light, and I even used straps so my forearms weren’t being used much. I had to stop early however because I felt the sharp pain in my abdominal wall which scared me a lot. I then went and did some bayesian curls with the cable machine, and at a weight on the lighter side once I let go of the handle my left thumb hurt so fucking bad I almost cried immediately there from the pain. When I moved my thumb or bent it, the pain was so sharp and intense that I audibly gasped. It felt like a nerve was torn or fully pinched, and it was horrible, so I just immediately left the gym, which was terrifying because that meant I was risking falling into an episode again. Coming home, when I tried to pick up my Gatorade bottle I dropped it immediately from the pain and almost screamed. I wanted to cry since being injured like this meant that I would have to stop exercising for months, potentially. Thankfully after showering the pain went away, so I’m hoping it was just a temporary thing like a nerve being folded wrong somehow or something. I just pray it doesn’t come back.