I can take it
This is practice if nothing else for speaking up for myself. Something my got on my nerves, and they continue to push it. Body language and responses aren't enough, and so good on me for being explicit and saying I wanted some space right now.
It kind of pisses me off that I just have to take this, because if I retaliate and ruin their night the way they ruined mine, it would just be a messy situation overall. And so now I guess I have to act like I'm less pissed off than I am.
183k has turned into some weird fucked up mantra for me. I think I'm pretty thankful that I have something worth hiding or at least being insecure about for sharing. But it then turns into a quiet rage that builds up into pride. I thought about how the only people that can be happy for you are above you, or not in the same race. I think that's true. Or at least to a decent amount. I think that's probably why I feel so comfortable being a beginner or bad at something, because then you don't have to worry about everything else that comes with being the victim of envy.