An Open Letter

I thought my crush was gone, but I think I’m kinda falling for N. It’s a shame because I don’t think she’s emotionally available, and I don’t think she feels the same way. But I can’t really help myself; every small hint feels like a possibility. She even hit me the way I like. And my god, she’s beautiful. She’s masculine in the ways that I like, and she’s feminine in the ways I like also. Plus smart, funny, and kind to me. I find myself wanting to be better for her in some ways, like I wanted to look better and I want to be stronger and push myself to impress her. She asked what love feels like and I feel like I could give her a better and better answer each time I interact with her. Or at least what a crush feels like. I guess I just really want to get to know her better.