I'm terrified.
I’m really worried because I’m starting to think about suicide again, it’s just popping into my head and I’m so scared because it seems like a nice solution. I can’t handle this course. I don’t understand the material, I don’t understand what people talk about when I google it, I don’t know how I’m (if I’m able to) get through this. If I can’t take this class now, yeah I could try to self study and learn the course material and prerequisites on my own, but what if I lose motivation and stop like I always do? I’m not cut out for grad school or god forbid PhD. I want it all to end, I don’t know how I’m going to go on. My chest hurts so fucking badly, I’ve been trying to teach myself the course material I’ve missed over the last few weeks, but it’s not fast enough and it’s not even lining up with the course material. I’m so afraid for myself and for my future. Someone please tell me it will be ok.