Issues with self-image

A random girl on yik-yak saw my Instagram and noticed we were friends with the same person, and told me how her friend had feelings for me. I still don’t believe it for some reason, I cook up elaborate reasons on why this person doesn’t exist and how no one could have feelings for me. I genuinely think she’s lying to me. Everyone I’ve talked to has said I’m unreasonable for that, and most likely it is real. I just can’t accept it, so here I am – to CBT.

Situation: A girl told me her friend has feelings for me, and because of that she didn’t want me to find out who she was as it would give away who the friend was. She also kept mentioning how her friend would say how kind I am and how she would take it with a grain of salt, but after interacting with me believes it and has a lot of respect for me.

Thoughts: She is cooking up an elaborate scheme to not interact with me, and this was just her way out. There is no friend who has feelings for me, she just wanted an excuse to not talk to me further. People don’t and won’t have feelings for me, believing this would just be me lying to myself, and I know it.

Feelings: I feel betrayed by myself for believing I am desirable, and I feel unattractive. I feel like people could not romantically be into my personality and that people will only like me if I put on a persona.

Behavior: I just reinforce the belief from childhood that I am unloveable. I will pull away from any sort of interaction or relationship, as I believe it is not genuine and not possible. I will kill off any crush or feelings I have for people, as I do not think they could ever be reciprocated. I make this issue worse, by feeding it more.

Now for a potentially more rational take

Thoughts: Her friend has feelings for me. That’s it lol. I don’t know who the friend is, but then again I am somehow very well-known and recognized, so it could very much be someone I’m not thinking of, or even someone I am thinking of. But also, to be rational about this:

  1. A very close friend has told me I’m both attractive and a very nice person, and that they fully believe people can love me

  2. I have had several women have feelings for me, to the point of even asking me out

  3. I am now pretty hot, I’ve had multiple women approach me about it and have shown genuine interest in me

  4. I have a full list (on instruction from my therapist) of instances where women have found me attractive

  5. I think I would make a great partner, and multiple women have told me that also

So with all of this evidence, I feel like this is VERY much within reason. On top of it, even if this IS a lie, it is reasonable and believable. I can use this as prime evidence to counter-condition these thought patterns and there is no harm.

Feelings: I feel a bit apprehensive, but the fact that I know that my thought pattern is that I am unloveable, and this is just me feeling pushback against that. I feel like it’s reasonable, and even though I don’t see it I feel like it can fully be true. I want to believe it.

Behavior: I start to heal. I also allow for positive feedback and engage with the people who are interested in me. I feel better and start to address this long-seated important insecurity.

It’s not lying to yourself, you’ve been lying for so long it feels like the truth. Remember that and be strong nV 💘