An Open Letter

I guess I’ll keep this a bit brief as I don’t want to stay up too much longer – it’s already 2:10 AM and I still want to meditate and read. The ball is in A’s court, and she has not texted for over 24 hours. I am trying to figure out where I stand in the sense of handling relationships where someone doesn’t initiate ever. I know that it isn’t a steadfast indication of friendships because of C, but at the same time, I really don’t want to be in a relationship where I always have to be the one initiating. K initiates with me, and so I am not exactly sure what I feel. I guess things can just be that however.

Situation – A has not texted even though the ball is in her court and also has not initiated.

Thoughts – If I respect myself I will not do anything until she responds or initiates on her own volition – this needs to be an equal thing.

Feelings – Feel disrespected, undervalued, and like I’m some needy person chasing after someone.

Behavior – Hold resentment and kill feelings preemptively for what could be benign.

Alternatively, perhaps more healthy:

Thoughts – She could just be busy with things, especially because the break is ending. She could also think that she has already responded and it is on me to respond. Either way, I still do think that it is appropriate to wait for a while to let her understand that I won’t permanently initiate and carry conversations.

Feelings – Frustrated, but also more forgiving. I feel like I have value, and this isn’t a direct feedback on how much value I have as a person.

Behavior – I look into other options without limiting myself, and also don’t burn any bridges.