My concern about RAIN
Hey me, it’s been a bit. Classes start tomorrow so I should try to keep this relatively short – but I wanted to journal a bit to keep up with this routine. Recently on advice from pi.ai, I started doing RAIN for mindfulness, and to stop ruminating on issues.
RAIN is the following:
Recognize the negative feeling
Accept the feeling
Investigate the feeling
Nurture as you would a friend
It seems pointless, but the effects are incredible for how it lets me stop ruminating and overthinking things. My problem however is now I’ve realized with this I can drop thoughts and let go of them without beating them into the ground, which is a good thing for my mood and mental health, but also prohibits me from learning or analyzing them.
I attribute a good amount of my emotional intelligence to the amount of overthinking I’ve done, along with the many hours upon hours of processing said thoughts. I think this has its benefits, but it also has been incredibly detrimental to my life. I personally see this problem as an explore vs. exploit – as there is probably some point where it no longer becomes worth it and is better to just enjoy life as is with the knowledge you’ve struggled for so far. I wonder if this is the case for me and if I should start just being in the moment and not overthinking everything to the point of incapacitating myself.
There has to be some balance, but god knows I’m too naive to figure out even a guess.
Situation: My friend’s mom who was willing to mentor me said after talking to their therapist that they cannot be a surrogate mother for me.
Thoughts: I have overstepped my boundaries, and given them the impression and burden that they need to do that for me. I’ve messed up horribly badly because they’ve set a boundary.
Feelings: I feel nauseous, and I feel like I’ve ruined this relationship. I feel like I am a horrible person.
Behavior: I avoid this relationship, along with potentially future ones along the sort. I also damage the friendship I have with my friend.
Now a bit less doomer
Thoughts: Her setting and clarifying a boundary is a healthy thing. On top of this, I realized I don’t exactly see this person as someone who has things figured out or is in a good place to give advice I would need. There’s nothing at all wrong with that, but this means I don’t necessarily have much I want to ask them that would be directly important to me. I wasn’t really planning on this relationship going any further, and so with her giving this feedback this is fine for me.
Feelings: Feels a bit awkward since this is new territory for me, but I ultimately feel ok since nothing is wrong.
Behavior: I feel fine, and I adapt my relationship with this person accordingly. I also don’t feel an immense sense of guilt, and don’t sabotage my relationships with anyone as a result.
Life is hard, but it’s also the sweetest fruit. I guess it’s the only fruit if you try to compare it. Enjoy it langwaldeakx4 ♥