An Open Letter

I often worry that my friends won’t like me (or even less so) if they see me while I’m depressed. It leads to me self isolating, and straying away from friends when I am struggling, and often these unresolved feelings get put as either a discord status or as a blog post now. These are my cries for help, as I so desperately want someone to reach out to me when they see them, and ultimately tell me that they accept me for who I am, depression and all.

I can’t really think of any benefits to a friend having depression, but it sure comes with negatives. This feels like a fact of life to me, and so I desperately hide my depression in the public eye. I constantly will make cries for help, hoping people see it and reach out and ask “hey, are you ok?” yet at the same time I so violently fear it.

Claire, if you are reading this don’t worry about reaching out to me. You’ve been an incredible friend, I’m so glad I met you, and I wish I had more friends like you; you’ve been the gold standard of kinds of friends I’d like more of. I don’t want to put pressure on you to reach out, and since you’re the only person who occasionally reads this I hope you don’t feel like this is me asking you to.

I often think that depression is one of the worst enemies, as its your own brain actively fighting you. It’s hard to change your mindset when your own mind wants to hurt you.