An Open Letter

I find myself weirdly having to somewhat force myself to hang out with people. I think almost every time I enjoy it and don’t regret it at all, and I know that going into it. But I think social anxiety is just a powerful force that tries to keep me down.

I’d like to journal earlier, maybe I’ll start doing this sometime midday instead of leaving it for night, where I put it off even more because I’m spending time with friends. Oh well, I had a blast tonight. I meowed in the microphone really well and I was proud of that lol

Situation: Two cute girls matched with me on hinge, and don’t know what it could lead to.

Thoughts: If I don’t do this perfectly, I will fumble it and stay single.

Feelings: Stress, pressure, and that I have to behave differently.

Behavior: I act a different way, and probably ruin it since my unstressed authentic personality is pretty good and well received usually.

Thoughts: Who cares lmao, I’m more than happy being single so I have nothing to lose.

Feeling: Feel like a big chiller

Behavior: I am relaxed, I don’t have any self worth tied to it, and I say things I find funny and overall stay happier.

Love you Suman ♥ I hope you know even if I don’t mean it every time I say it, it’s true.