An Open Letter

My mind wandered and I thought back to her profile on hinge when I first saw her. A part of me feels tricked in a way with the version of her in my head and the person she showed herself to be. But in writing that I see the parallels to the issue with idealizing a partner. I guess I kinda did that, actually the more I think of it I really did idealize her. She showed me several red flags from the start, and throughout the relationship. She also told me a few times about how she was and foreshadowed things. She also said good things of course and it wasn’t all bad, and I always was able to find excuses to devalue the bad stuff she told me. But there was a gap between her in my mind and her in person. I guess I didn’t really accept her as she is or truly see her since I kept rose tinted glasses on the whole time. I’m not saying it was good or would have worked, I think things would have just ended sooner if I was more realistic. Codependency and spending all your time together truly becomes a drug, and that clouds your mind.