Red dot music
I talked with a coworker/friend about some of her plight Of San Jose. Specifically with dating and the culture behind it, and I am really grateful I don’t live here. I don’t have to tell myself that no matter what I would still be happy because I am not happy because of my circumstances, but rather the decision decisions that I make. There are always good things that you can pay attention to. But I digress, I do feel, however, that there is an ugly side of me of competition that really comes out here, which is really funny because I am not trying to date anyone here. Hell, I am leaving tomorrow lol. But I noticed this in myself in the fact that whenever I have seen men in public, I kind of insult them in my head, like I try to put them down and I treat it like there is some competition that I am being judged against them in. I feel like I’m on edge and I am insecure about my own desirability as a person, I find myself worrying about things like random hypotheticals that aren’t even coming up, or how these random people are paying for these meals in fancy restaurants for their partner, and how this probably is a normal occurrence for them. And I do believe that this is fiscally irresponsible, but I feel like I’m fixating on that as a justification for not losing this competition rather than as a separate valid point. I don’t like the side of me, I much rather enjoy the side of me that doesn’t feel like I am fighting and trying to put other people down.