An Open Letter

No matter what I do, or what changes, eventually I'll end up the kid crying on the floor in the bathroom of my childhood home. The question is do I fight it with no belief that it will work?

How many of the things I've done have been for no one to see. I thought about moving this blog to tumblr, or somewhere someone would see. I thought about posting gym progress pics. I've thought about trying to get people to see and recognize me. But at the end of the day the only thing that matters is that I'm doing all of this for me. I got pretty close to losing to depression now, but the only thing left I can do is rage against it. It doesn't matter if it makes me angry, ruins my day, hurts my body, all I can do is rage. Rage at the years I've lost to this illness, the unfair obstacles put up for me, or the constant war I wage. If rage is what gets me up off that floor, and gives me a chance of fighting so be it. It doesn't matter if I end back up there, I'm not sitting down there tonight.