Scarcity of Love
I had my therapy session today (thankfully) after not being able to have it last week. Thankfully, I’ve been doing fairly well; but one of the things I talked about with her was a surprisingly powerful paradigm shift.
All my life I’ve struggled with the mindset she calls “scarcity of love”, where essentially I think that there is not love for me in the world – I will not be loved/unlovable. This has been a reoccurring problem for years I’ve been working on with her, but today I brought it up inadvertently by asking for help about the new self-esteem issue.
After further prying, we realized that it was more like a flawed argument: imagine you are arguing against someone about some point, and every time you refute their argument they change their argument. No matter how many times you show them they are wrong, they hold the same point. This is more or less what I’ve been doing with the mindset of that I am not loved. I’ve been stuck in that comfort of all I’ve known, to think I am unworthy of love. What she recommended was to instead propose a new thought.
What I wanted instead was best written by the quote:
I hope I die warmed by the life I tried to live