An Open Letter

I didn't actually scream at anything, but more just internally. I talked a little bit with E just now and honestly I'm disappointed with just how the phone call went because she was emotionally numb and also pretty honestly defensive/ aggressive. It did seem like she softened a little bit out when we talked a little bit more but again it feels like I have to carry the emotional burden of regulation. It just doesn't necessarily feel like she has the emotional ability to be not shut down. And honestly it's just really frustrating at the end of the day. It's this feeling of having to almost emotionally parent this situation and I think maybe this is something to keep in mind. I understand it's late but I don't know. It just doesn't necessarily feel like a strong sign of emotional maturity to have this time apart. Instead of trying to fully process things it's more just kind of stewing on what it feels like her frustrations are. I know that there is an intelligence gap in our relationship, this is something that she has said and she acknowledges fully. I guess I just hope it doesn't end up showing itself in emotional situations also. I think there is a big difference in emotional maturity there, in the way that certain actions are perceived, and having that maturity to understand how different situations should be handled properly. I feel like instead of trying to have a productive conversation, it's more of a therapy session almost, in the sense that she needs to be validated. It's not like a thing where she acknowledges that I also have needs and that sense of mutualism. Okay.