An Open Letter

I went over to A’s place for game night, and at one point we were playing secret Hitler. I’ve never played the game before, but it’s a fun social deduction game and ripe for causing chaos by lying. I decided to go for my favorite of pure chaos instead of trying to win, but I had my moment of victory by announcing near the end who I thought the people were and I got 2/3 of them right which made me feel pretty smart lol. I had a great time with everyone there and really enjoyed the overall vibe so I’m very happy I went.

I’m also kinda nervous since tomorrow A is coming over to sleep over, and we’re kinda hitting that next base in the relationship(?) and I’m anxious. I also don’t really know what the proper timeline is to ask them out but I know for sure I want to once it’s appropriate to. I really like her, I think shes an incredible person and I enjoy her company. I’m doing my best to remind myself that the requirement to be liked/loved is just to give space for someone else, because that alone relieves the pressure I feel to constantly be someone providing some sort of value. I guess I kinda feel like it’s a never-ending interview where I’m trying to convince the other person that I should be someone they care about. But I don’t think that’s the way life should be, just a wrongly learned lesson from childhood. I’m glad I can see that now.