An Open Letter

Title just felt right, it’s a good song. Nothing past that.

I know A means well, but sometimes when I’m struggling she word vomits up things to fill the silence, and she tries to relate or empathize. Sometimes she badly misses, and she tries to relate with something that isn’t close. I know you can’t compare grief or emotion really, but I’m pretty confident in these cases. Right now the thing that sticks with me is the thought that for her to provide these experiences of her own as things to relate with, she thinks in her mind that those experiences affect her as much as I’m currently affected. One thing she said earlier was how she’s also had friendships explode for her, and to her that meant people yelling and saying hurtful things to each other. To me it was personal attacks and then me getting blocked and ghosted, and a big meaningful friendship just gone like that all because I tried to defend myself. Things like that just make me feel alone because it makes me feel worse to think that someone who loves and cares about me sees my grief and experience and thinks it’s just an inconvenience. I don’t like how it always feels like a competition that she can’t lose sometimes. To be honest, I don’t really give a shit if she has experienced it or anything like that, I just want to be held sometimes.