Six
I went to the gym and I didn't have the greatest workout, but was definitely something I needed I think. I spent a little bit just playing basketball afterwards and listening to a podcast from Andrew huberman.
I think I said this before just agree with A, but I really do believe it now. One thing is we have different communication styles. Before, I would say this but I thought that what I was doing was right and what she was doing was wrong. But I absolutely realized that was nowhere near perfect either. Speaking with the Prof M helped me understand that me trying to be kind and gentle by being passive was what led me to finally be aggressive in the fight that we broke up over. I absolutely was aggressive, and I just could not see that before. This was the direct cause of me not properly communicating beforehand, and I am not blaming myself solely for that, but at the same time I absolutely could learn and practice being more assertive without being passive, nor aggressive. Me being so passive was something that led to this incompatibility. At the end of the day, I cannot blame her at all for this because I equally have problems in my communication it's just harder to see when it's yours.
But also, there really was problems on both of our ends. It's easy for me to fixate on her problems because they're not mine lol, but I absolutely do have a lot of problems that I just kind of masked up and that caused friction. I don't think that having problems disqualifies me from connection, but at the same time I need to acknowledge that I really accept that on past just a service level. I think it's unfair to both of us if I just think that I did not let any of my issues leak through.
I think one of the biggest problems for me and how I've neglected social connection, and I think that directly led to a lot more friction than was necessary. I think me also having the conversations to help of needing to confront and address every issue was pretty conflicting to her preference, which is just a difference in communication style. I think I was also too concerned about how she may feel in reaction to something and that led me to self censor and that was unhealthy for both of us.
At the end of the day, we both absolutely had our fair share of problems in several aspects, and those unfortunately those end up kind of conflicting and I think we both have our work cut out for us in the long term. But the nice thing about this is we can both be happy in saying that we tried and it was a good learning experience, for both of us. And we can still be friends, while knowing that My personal styles don't match up for a relationship. But that doesn't mean we still can't do stupid shit together, and be friends.