So damn tired
So last night after I posted I was called by a crying A. I drove her to the hospital, and stayed with her until 5:30 AM. The whole time I was distracting her and helping her, and when they finally discharged her and it was time to go, she made a joke about how it was my fault. It was not my fault, it was a ruptured ovarian cyst. She apologized saying it was a joke, but it really feels like shit to go through all of that to help her, when she could have asked another friend or one of her housemates. And then I had to cancel my other plans today because I got home at 6 AM. I was planning and ready to sleep early tonight so I was able to finally hang out with S, and instead there goes that because I’m the one that A trusts and feels comfortable asking for support from. And so I lose out on one of my last few days with S, and my other plans. I get it that emergencies happen. But I wish that she actually appreciated how much I did for her and what I had to give up. Driving her to the hospital was already one thing, but staying with her in the shitty folding chair for 5 hours by her side, while distracting her and calming her down is a whole extra layer. She even told the doctor that I was her boyfriend. It’s upsetting to me that she gets a boyfriend, and I get an ex who keeps hurting me from being selfish, and refuses to take any accountability for it. I can’t even look at her anymore I feel like.