So much, yet so little

And with that, my last hope goes away. I can’t say I was surprised, but it still hurt. I feel like over these last 4 years at college so much has changed in my life, yet I realize more and more how I’m still the same. Rejected from all colleges I wanted to go to, and still an insecure, self-loathing person. To be fair, not all is a waste; I know that this right now is just my depression trying to romanticize the idea of feeling miserable, and wanting me to have an incentive to end it all.

I guess there are good things to it too, I at least have made some more friends that aren’t graduating immediately either; and I do think I would have been miserable doing a PhD, but still it hurts pretty fucking badly. At least I have myself to be able to vent to through this blog. Is it bad I’ve considered using chat GPT to try to emulate a supportive friend?

Either way, I just want some good news to come along and break apart this shit month. Blow after blow. At some point I just want to sit down and give up.