Stat
I think I’m moving on. Well I guess that’s stupid because obviously I am, But it’s weird. I think today I was kind of like upset at her and angry. Like obviously not actually her but, the idea of her. I kind of hope I don’t ever see her again, just because it would make moving on way easier. Not cause I’m mad at her. But I guess I just feel like she’s someone that just didn’t ultimately treat me well, not because she meant to hurt me. But just because I deliberately chose her. I think I really just got swept up by the attention and codependency. I saw someone saying that you should do things for them because you love them, not do things for them so that they love you. And I don’t think I did things for her to try to make her love me, but at the same time I think I realize how fundamentally fragile the love felt. I think I felt like I had to constantly be there, or like massage her thoughts through reassurance, acts of kindness, or things like that. If we didn’t have time together, I would probably think that something was wrong and that I would start to worry about the relationships health. And that’s not right. Our relationship should be strong and healthy regardless of some distance once in a while. I think I’m also noticing how I wanted to use L as a substitute for that codependency, and I also notice how part of me wanted to cut ties to avoid being hurt again and set that boundary. It’s really easy to get swept up by someone else like that. I don’t think I should ghost or anything like that, but maybe I should be way more aware of that.