That was pretty cathartic

February 9, 2024

I sometimes get taken aback out of the blue with how effective journaling is. Last night I ended up basically just venting and doing the journaling technique Huberman recommended in that one podcast. I do feel a lot better after that, as I was able to put all of those toxic thoughts down somewhere so they aren’t just chilling in the back of my mind.

Today I had some frustration and pent-up anger so I was excited for my workout, as today is my primary deadlift / secondary squat day. I recently found out I have long femurs, so I’ve been trying to learn how to accommodate that properly, and I took a wider stance on both lifts. That was absolutely magical, as everything was lighter, and didn’t hurt my spine at all! I had a manually set weight of 345 lbs for my single on deadlift, which was kinda frustrating as that was fairly lightweight, I think I put that as an RPE 5 or so. After that, for backoffs, I had -15% of my top set, which ended up being 250 lbs for 5 reps without even having to pause. I put that as an RPE 0 because cmon now. After fixing my foot placement, it felt so light. I just threw that weight up and it felt like a warmup (I guess because it kinda is).

I’m a bit nervous now thinking about it, I have 48 days left until my deadline for 1k lbs. I ran the math again like I have plenty of times before, and it felt scary. I don’t know if I can hit 315 on squat, or 405 on deadlift. And even if I can do both of those I need 55 more pounds somewhere distributed across those. I think I can probably do 20lbs more on bench comfortably (I hope) so now is just 35 lbs. Those are going to be the heaviest 35 lbs of my life I think. I no longer am super confident in my ability to do this in time, but I think that will make success that much sweeter if it happens.

I was thinking about it today, if I can do it I want to be so overcome with emotions I just grab my headphones and smash them on the floor. I want to be overcome with emotions and feel that, at least once in my life. That feeling of losing control.