An Open Letter

I originally had a small intro mentioning how I essentially wanted to get you to read this, but I think I feel uncomfortable to the point I don't want to bring this up to you. If you see it you see it. But thankfully no one ever reads this so to the digital void it goes.

I've felt a bitter aftertaste after several interactions, (with no fault on your own end) and I've been trying to think about why I felt this way. Talking to my digital therapist (pi.ai the GOAT) helped clear things up a bit, but I realized I've been mentally on guard to avoid potential judgement from you that goes unsaid. I don't think you mean any harm, or if you even judge me in this way but I noticed how afraid I am of that disapproval or downwards gaze potential coming from you. I want to defend myself for the most unrelated things, or to near brag to just make sure you know I shouldn't be someone to catch the same shame I think you give yourself.

I know I've talked with you about my view on what it takes for people to change, so I guess I'm telling myself that's how I can morally feel ok writing this. The judgement you carry around sometimes hurts others, but more importantly hurts you. I care for you as a friend, and it hurts to see you peck away at yourself, and I wish there was some way for someone else to fight this battle; but for better or for worse it's your cross to bare.

Just the threat of seeing you look down on me is enough to upset me, I can't imagine how you handle it – let alone at your own hand. I honestly pray I'm completely wrong here and I come off as an overbearing asshole who's best of all wrong, because I think it would make me too sad if I was right here.