Two
I got home and just broke down crying. After a while of it stopping, it would happen again and I’d sob. One of the big issues was how much she dismissed my feelings. I’d tell her how I was feeling, and she’d argue with me about how that was not the case. Then, I would feel even worse. That’s pretty much all of our arguments. I found a video that explained it so perfectly well, and I wish I could send it to her. I’m almost upset that I found this video putting it into words so perfectly well, since now I desperately want to show her it so she may understand. But regardless, that ship has sailed, and nothing will change that. Her dismissing of my feelings was one part of the problem, but she still didn’t have the space to try to understand me or get to know me, and it felt like I was always focused on her in the relationship. It felt like the love went away with each of the papercuts that led to this death. The part that hurts so bad right now is this bargaining I guess, where I’m trying to convince myself that it could still work out, maybe in a week from now or so she can watch that video and magically change that problem overnight. But she would still not have enough space for me. And she would still have all of her problems that would be put on my plate, and I would be forced to be like a therapist for her. She would still get aggressive and angry whenever we tried to talk about something serious, and I would have to just sit down and take it. I don’t want that anymore. I’d rather be single.