Waiting for something good

I’ve been a firm believer that good days follow bad ones, and bad days follow good. In my life all of the best days I’ve had have often been ruined by something bad, making a good thing lead to a bad. My way of coping with this is believing that it’s balanced. After a stretch of bad days, something good happens.

Recently I got rejected from UC Berkely for MS/PhD program, and it really hurt me to realize I let myself down, by not realizing I needed to do more. I’ve gotten rejected from every internship I’ve applied to, and I’ve been telling myself it will be ok because last summer at Meta I did great, and had the highest praises from my mentor. Yesterday I got a voicemail saying they had a quick update for me, and I was hopeful thinking that they would give me a return offer; and they responded today telling me I was denied. I was hoping this would be the good news that came after the breakdown I had after the Cal rejection, but I guess the bad times continue. All I have left to wait for is Stanford’s MS program, but I’m confident I am going to be rejected from that too, meaning it’s just going to be 3 devastating pieces of news back to back.

On top of it, my mom who I’ve mostly cut out of my life is now sabotaging my medical appointments, since she has access to that and has controlled that from me; but at least I can finally take over that and she no longer has power over me.

Honestly, I’m just tired. I want things to stop, and thankfully while I don’t want to die right now, I’m exhausted. God, I’m tired; please let me rest.