An Open Letter

I bought the latest iPhone today because I got my employee discount. It weirdly stresses me out, having to set it up and get used to all the change. I also had both a really good day today, and then kind of a crash at night here. I feel socially pretty content right now, I have four relatively active friend groups and several different individual people that I interact with frequently and that I trust. I also got plenty of exercise and ate food today. Everything is good, but I just feel bad.

I watched a video that I hadn't watched yet with my ex, and it didn't hurt me as much as I thought it would. So I guess that's a good sign, but I still do feel I guess somewhat alone? It feels weird to say that because it doesn't feel right if you know what I mean. So I guess maybe that's not really what I'm feeling. And then I'm not really sure what I'm feeling, all I know is I just feel bad and I can't really pinpoint what's the cause of that. Like part of me wants to cry and have a hug, but I don't even know what I would cry about. And it doesn't feel like I'm missing anything and so I'm really confused. Maybe I'm just overwhelmed, in a very passive way, where I both feel equipped to deal with the things in my life but also it's taking its toll on me. I guess 2 weeks of no therapy would also do that to me.