An Open Letter

If I’m going to be honest, I’ve felt like shit for at least a month now. Something feels different today, as there’s no anger – just grief. I would always think I held no regrets, and that if I died now, I would have done it the same.

I do have regrets.

I wish I was hugged more. I wish I was told “I love you”, and I wish I was allowed to express emotion. I wish I wasn’t alone all the time, and I wish I wasn’t pushed online to interact with humans.

I wish I wasn’t taken advantage of as a child, and I wish someone was there to stop it from happening again. I wish I had someone who watched out for me, and who was there for me when I needed it the most. I wish I had someone who checked up on highschool me who would sit on the bathroom floor for hours at a time in agony.

I wish both that someone would give me genuine sympathy, and that I could also accept that.

It’s strange to long to be held in a way I never was – what am I missing?