An Open Letter

Yesterday and today have been just constant barrage of things hitting me. Too much. It's not even individual events, but it's just a ton of small little things building up and all at once swarming me. I got my ta review from last quarter and it was overwhelmingly positive, with only incredibly sweet comments in the feedbacks. A few of the comments mentioned about how The things that I covered in section and giving little sneak peeks of upcoming material helped out so much, and that was exactly what I got in trouble with today, for just covering something that was brought up the next day in lecture. I have a meeting with her now to have to talk about it.

I wrote down to talk about in therapy next session about my overwhelming sense of regret towards actions in retrospect. I'm afraid of honestly writing down any of the things here just because of I guess the fact that it publicizes something that I want to hide even more. Even just to myself. Like I don't want to acknowledge and face and stew on things that I have done that just didn't go across as I intended I guess. Or sometimes there are people that I don't even consider that have an issue with things I do. But also thinking back I feel like I don't fully understand my actions from other perspectives. And that's one of those things that I guess is normal in life. I don't want to beat myself up about it too much because I mean who the fuck never makes any mistakes and has never done anything they regret. But I still feel a lot of shame and regret.