An Open Letter

Hi! I’m actually feeling good today, and it might just be because I took my medication which gives me a lot more motivation, but I feel happy regardless. Advent of Code started today! I’ve got some friends who are doing it with me, and I’m super happy about that. I decided for this year that I was going to record a walkthrough for each day, and it’s actually a lot more work than I thought. I ended up doing like 4-5 takes for different parts, but it ends up with a nicely polished(ish) video. I’m thinking I’ll also get better at this as time goes on, and I hope to stick with this project – as I want to do more video editing stuff in the future also. I have a ton of different fun projects that I’ve let sit on a shelf, so I’m hoping to at least do some.

I also successfully will complete NNN in 20 minutes, so that’s pretty cool – this was my first time intentionally doing it. I’m also being somewhat productive, working on my app for my final project, and it’s weirdly gratifying. I enjoy it a lot. I’ll keep this one short, as I have to teach a section tomorrow morning, and I want to have enough sleep for that.

Situation: Hypothetically I am a girl at the gym struggling with self-image, and some random guy comes up to me and goes “Hey, how’s the bulk going?”, while I’m trying to lose weight.

Thoughts: Some incredibly toxic ED thoughts would be my first guess, and also it would probably lock in as some core insecurity.

Feelings: Feel horribly shamed, ugly, all that bad stuff.

Behavior: Insecure, probably stop going to the gym, hide body.

Thoughts: Maybe the guy just wants to be cruel to someone random, or has something against women. There’s plenty of rational reasons for someone to say something like that, that don’t involve it being true.

Feelings: I’d probably be taken aback, but I wouldn’t let it really get to me as much. It’s just a one off instance anyway, there are plenty of reasonings that don’t involve me.

Behavior: No trauma!

Such a weird thing to do CBT about, but it was something I was thinking about at the gym today, and I don’t really know what else I’d wanna do CBT with today. Oh well! Till tomorrow, love you Karyios! ♥