Yin
I’m honestly sick of how much past experiences or trauma have affected my life, especially by destroying my relationships with people. I feel powerless as innocent interactions with people sow seeds for anxiety to run amok in my brain, trying to convince me how she will leave just like the people before. What kind of life is it where I live in fear of every interaction, because of the scars of the past? A fucking miserable one.
I don’t know if this is just because of the fact I’m becoming depressed again, but goddamn I’m feeling that cloud come back over me. The only thing I can see is this bleak future, and I realized it’s happening again while on vacation meeting long good friends in person for the first time, at a public event, I could only think about how sweet it would be to kill myself in front of them.
This is the place I’m running from.